Another birthday passed last month. I was depressed but didn’t think too much about it because I’m always depressed around my birthday. I know why I’m depressed, know I can’t (or I’m not willing to) do anything about it, and I know it passes. Every single year my birthday comes (thank God for that), the depression comes with it, and then it goes.
But this year was different. Weeks after my birthday, I was still dragging and unable to snap out of it. I tried exercising harder and more times per week, upping my D3 and fish oil, but to no avail. Every day I only looked forward to finishing all that was expected of me and hopping back into bed.
Last Monday, a little voice whispered to me, “You would love to have coffee with someone on Thursday.”
What? Me? The recluse living in the blue room wants to go out? That was doubtful but a slight glimmer of normalcy bubbled up so I went with it. I thought about people I could contact. One friend I’ve been meaning to catch up with came to mind but she always cancels at the very last minute via text and I’m left feeling like a friendless loser yet again.
What’d Bush say about that? “Fool me once, shame on — shame on you. Fool me — you can’t get fooled again.”
Through some very strange coincidences, a few of my Twitter friends and I decided to have coffee…on Thursday.
Thursday came, and I worked on my computer until the last second, delaying getting cleaned up to meet my friends because I’m used to being canceled on. Checked my phone often to see the “can’t make it” texts but they never came, so I finally drove over to the Old California Coffee House.
You may know my friends from Twitter: Maegan (@OhYeah_her) and Sugar Jones (@SugarJones). Maegan is the first person to ever reply to me on Twitter and Sugar Jones became the reason why I tap (much more on that later).
We had coffee and did what all women do when they meet for coffee, talk a lot! It felt great to be with women I like. Finally. People who care enough to show up.
Maegan mentioned Sugar’s new website and I had to admit I hadn’t seen it. Being depressed makes following people a little harder. I recalled a post of Sugar’s back on New Year’s about something new happening for her but then bypassed it to see the next cute cat post.
Biggest mistake ever. I cannot emphasize this enough.
Diving into Sugar’s new website and discussing what it (and she) does made me realize one thing: I needed her website and expertise desperately. Sugar has a new website called Live the Sweet Life and what it is is a way in which to discover who you really are — not who you think you ought to be, not who your boss/husband/children/parents want you to be, but who you really are–the person you were born to be.
Being on a path without a compass and a guide can lead to running in circles. I know this as fact. My depression was because I was on a wrong path and grasping at anything that passed by that I thought would make me happy. Of course nothing was making me happy because I was ignoring everything about me that makes me…me.
Sugar and I continued the discussion of her site until it was imperative I leave to grab the kids. That’s the magic with Sugar, we can talk for hours and hours. There are not many people on this planet with whom I can talk with for that long before I am drained. Usually after such a session, I need a nap and extreme silence. Talking with Sugar energizes me and makes me take action. In my car after coffee, I had the radio blasting and I was singing. I had hope.
I couldn’t wait to get home to take the test.
Every delay imaginable popped up, though, keeping me from the computer, and it had to wait until the next day. Waiting helped me give it my full attention, and after 10 minutes, the test was done. Boy, that was easy, and there are no wrong answers.
However, just because the test says there are no wrong answers doesn’t mean I’m not going to go back over (and over) what buttons I clicked. Should I have answered this way or that? Walking around my home afterwards, I realized I wasn’t that organized. In fact, I am not organized at all. Should I call Sugar and have her change my answer?
So critical of myself that I can’t even let a “wrong” answer go on a test that’s about me!
All that was about to change with the results.
Stay tuned for my life changing conversation with Sugar Jones. In the meantime, if you don’t want to wait and want to find out what path you were born to be on, take the test now.
Trust me, you need this.