I tried so hard to write a love letter to myself, I really did, but the reality is I don’t love or respect myself right now and for many good reasons. I know this seems like such a cop out but I looked at this exercise from so many angles. I put on my thinking cap in the shower (I get great ideas in there!) and thought, “Maybe I can write it from this place,” or “Maybe I can create some new exercise from this one,” but each attempt resulted in failure, dead-ends, and a hell of a lot of staring at moldy soap scum. Sure, I always left the think tank squeaky clean but that wasn’t always the goal!
Without the sordid details, I’ll only say that this exercise helped me see something I hadn’t recognized or acknowledged before–there is room for huge improvement in my life. Admitting this out loud is the first step to making a change. The second step is figuring out how to love myself again. I’ll keep you up-to-date on my progress. So maybe this exercise didn’t end in failure like I originally thought?? Progress, not perfection.
After returning from a night out with friends, I see that I could have discussed this topic with many different people rather than stay strictly inside my own head. It’s one of those things I need to learn how to do–ask for help and accept all kinds of ideas from the people in my life. Talking to people in person helps me to sort out how I really feel about a situation or event.
The next installment of 52 Weeks: 52 Ways in Which to Love Your (Wild) Self includes another difficult (for me) exercise. This week’s homework is to create a fearless heart map. I’m groaning internally about this exercise for the same reason I couldn’t write a love letter to myself, and that’s because although I know I have a heart (cuz I’m still sitting here), other than my kids, I don’t know what else to put on my heart map. The author of the e-guide I’m following has things like writing, soul, vulnerability, play, and magic on her heart map. I’m afraid mine will be much duller and not as deep but I will play with it and use some of my handy tools to get to the heart of the matter (more groaning).
I think I will have to google heart mapping because I don’t think I’m 100% clear on what a heart map is. (And now that I’ve done so, I don’t feel quite as unable to perform on my homework this week).
How about you? Did you write a love letter to yourself? What do you love about yourself? Are you genuine, kind, giving, loving, a good mom or dad? Do you find yourself paying it forward many times per week? What makes a good person to you? Maybe I should have answered that question and then vowed to become my own definition. What will be on your heart map? I can’t wait to hear what you have in your heart!