I’ve been taking supplements for a very long time, ostensibly to prolong my life and make it as healthy a long life as possible. I don’t currently like my life so the irony is not lost on me. Why would I want to make my life even LONGER if I can’t stand the way it’s going so far? I thought of this the other day while standing in front of the mirror getting ready for the day: I’m popping pill after pill, pouring powder into my potions, and poring over posts on the Internet about longevity, and I. Don’t. Even. Like. My. Life.
How did I get here? Should I keep taking the pills or just let nature take her course? I suppose the answer is keep taking the supplements in the event I start enjoying my life again. Because I’m an optimist, I know the chances are good that life will get better. It may take a while but I’m starting to see that I have to put in some work to get happiness out. I know this seems like a Captain Obvious moment to you, but I have everything I thought I wanted, and yet, I’m still not happy. Obviously, my happiness will not be found in material goods and services (no offense, Donna, I’ll still be coming to you in two weeks for a massage!).
The way to happiness is not through other people but through my own actions and activities. What do I like to do? What would I like to see? What do I enjoy doing even if I had to do it by myself?
I love to read. I love to help people. I love to volunteer to help children read. I love learning new things. I love taking care of my children. I love my pets and my daughters’ pets. I love being forced to do things I wouldn’t normally do (zip lining comes to mind right away). I love traveling to see historic buildings and famous paintings/art museums. I love walking through timeless gardens. I love eating at great restaurants. I love sunsets and sunrises. I love sitting around a fire wherever it’s located (fireplace, fire pit, campfire, bonfire on the beach). I love neighborhood parties and impromptu gatherings. I love discovering the new moon or a full moon in the sky. I love music and going to concerts. I love going to dive bars, and more than anything, I love dancing. I love discovering amazing tasting coffee that’s not related to Starbucks in any way. I love cake, although it’s more of a frosting vehicle if I’m being honest. I also love a good glass of wine a bit too much, and far too often 😉
After looking over that last paragraph, why am I not doing everything on that list? There’s really no good reason. I have no excuse. The usual culprits, I suppose, come to mind: anxiety, fear of the unknown, and looking like a fool to other people while doing something. This is unacceptable. I no longer have the luxury of time, nor the luxury of waiting for someone else to fix this mess of a life. If I want to make my life more interesting, fun, and worth living, I need to start living, really living–not just making it through the day.
With that in mind, my goal this week is to do something that scares me a bit. I already have something in mind. It’s something I’ve been meaning to do since the beginning of summer but I managed to find more interesting things to do instead (i.e. laundry, cleaning, binge watching TV shows) due to fear. I am going on a kayak tour of the caves of La Jolla. My stomach is churning even as I write this sentence because I’m a bit claustrophobic and I’m a bit afraid of the water because I can’t swim well. I know I will have life jacket on, though, so at this point, it’s just the claustrophobia. When I had an MRI last year, I was drugged to within an inch of my life. I sometimes have issues on planes with claustrophobia, but I’ve learned how to cope so what I need to do is learn how to cope while paddling. I’ll learn a new skill about how to deal with claustrophobia in a cave by going into a cave. Is this the desensitization method? Sure, but it’s checking two things off I like to do: doing something I wouldn’t normally do on my own, and learning something new. Winning all around.
UPDATE: I booked my kayak tour for Monday the 2nd of October. Think good thoughts for me? Much appreciation in advance.