blogging · Writing

How Badly Do I Want It?

49194711 - woman working in home office hand on keyboard close up.I’m not sure if anyone has noticed but I haven’t been writing much here lately.  I started another blog which took up all of my time but not in the way one would think.  I focused so much mental energy on that blog but I never felt like it was going anywhere because it wasn’t.  I had a block and couldn’t seem to overcome it.  Sure, I sat every day at my computer like a good blog writer staring at the white, blank screen wondering how to proceed but that was it.  Time sitting does not count.

The problem is that I bought a program that swears I will make a good amount of money from my blog.  The blog you’re currently reading has brought in maybe $500 over the course of many, many years.  I never knew so much money could be made from a blog.  After all, there must be millions (billions?) of blogs out there now?  Why would my one lone blog stand out against all that competition?

Questioning the success of a program one has just paid a lot of money for is not a good start, especially when I know it’s not the program, it’s me.  Plenty of other bloggers on the dedicated Facebook site for the course have confessed to finally making $500-$20k per month after only a year of following the program.  I’m a mere two months in.

In my defense, I was having technical issues with my self-hosted blog and I simply lack the patience to figure out anything technical.  I’d rather write 20 blog posts in a row about the same topic than figure out why my blog doesn’t look like it’s supposed to.

So there my blog and all the dreams of riches sat, day after day; I believe a month has passed since my last post.  Maybe it’s longer.  All I know is that I stopped visiting it completely a few weeks ago.

Not My Normal Niche

It didn’t help I chose a topic I thought would generate a lot of money very easily.  Never mind the fact I wasn’t passionate about the topic I settled on but I thought I would learn to love it.  Turns out, you can only write with passion those topics of which you’re passionate about.  Go figure.

I should have known something was up very early on when I had thoughts like “I should probably write today,” but my actions after that thought involved getting completely up-to-date on laundry, vacuuming endless dog hair bunnies, playing Dots on my phone, and reading Facebook posts or checking in on Instagram.

Actions always speak louder than words and my actions showed me that I needed to find a different topic to write about and fast.

No Progress

Since I don’t write in the evenings, only in the morning, nothing ever got updated.  I didn’t move forward or make any progress.  Even though my goal was to write two blog posts per week, I wrote a total of six and then stopped writing completely.  I felt like a failure.  I still feel like a failure.

I returned to my old blog (the one you’re reading) weekly to visit and see what was up.  I’d check on my stats and poke around but I didn’t write here either.  I managed to update a couple posts but I know changing a few words here and there doesn’t count as actual writing.  It was more like busywork.

I had a serious case of writer’s block.  Part of the blogging course included teaching me how to write a good blog post.  Apparently I haven’t been doing it right all these years.  But with the new information rolling around in my head, a blog post that would normally take me about two hours total to write/edit/add pictures/find keywords, would take 8-10 hours spread out over days.  I spent every waking minute of that writing wondering if I was doing it right.  I never felt like I had done it right.

The biggest stumbling block was the loss of my voice.  The posts don’t sound like me.  It was a struggle to write the posts because I wasn’t using my authentic voice.  I was writing to a formula which is as constricting as it is comforting.

Does that mean my blog won’t make any money if I don’t use the prescription laid out by the blogging expert?  It might very well not.  How do I feel about that?  Hmmm…

Blogging Success Includes Sharing What You Write

I never shared my website with anyone because I wasn’t proud of what I had written.  I’m sure my friends and family would have given me great feedback but would the feedback be legitimate?  Would I know they were being polite in order to avoid hurting my feelings?  I didn’t want to find out so I never told a soul where to find my content.  I relied on strangers somehow finding me through a Google search.

No doubt I never shared my blog because the layout stinks.  I’ve checked out so many blogs created by the people I am taking the course with and a great number of them look like they were made by professionals.  Mine looks like an amateur did it and I’m not being overly humble.

Instead of Complaining, I Should Be Doing

Earlier in the week, I revisited the first portion of the blog course and decided to start over with a new idea, something more interesting to me.  I’m glad I’m ok with scrapping idea #1 and moving on.  Knowing when to stop something that isn’t working isn’t normally in my wheelhouse.  Usually I won’t let things go because of all the time invested.  I keep plodding along hoping things will come together but they rarely do.

I believe the new blog has the same potential for financial growth but that’s not why I’ll be writing.  I will write for the audience I hope to have one day.  I’ll be writing because it’s something I’m passionate about.  It’ll never be about the money for me even though I bought the course for precisely that reason but I should have known myself better.  No amount of money motivates me.  I am motivated by helping others.  If money follows from that, great, but it’s not the end all, be all.

I’m still not sharing my (other) new site but simply because I’ve only just started working on it and there’s nothing to see.  When I am satisfied with the website, I will share it here, there, and everywhere.  I will allow people to view what I’ve created from scratch and hope I help them in some way either now or in the future.  Helping is the only thing I know how to do.

In the end, the question in my mind when I’m up against so many personal and technical hurdles should be, “How badly do I want it?”  I suppose I will find out soon.

Turns out, you can only write with passion those topics

of which you’re passionate about.





Photo courtesy of: Copyright: <a href=’’>undrey / 123RF Stock Photo</a>


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